I just wanted to share a bit about the way trans* people are seen in relation to the gender they identify with. For the sake of this post I will be writing about ftm’s
When you think of a man you think tough, hard, manly. You think action movies and rock music. That’s the stereotype. On the other hand, when you think of a woman, you think gentle, caring, understanding, emotional. You think the notebook and love songs. For some people, these ideas fit who they are. For some, it doesn’t fit at all.
…And that’s perfectly fine. No one gets angry if a guy is not doesn’t build things and likes romantic movies and decorating. No one cares if a woman doesn’t like to wear heels and is tough. No. Big. Deal.
Unless you’re transgender.
This is my issue…A cis male wouldn’t normally have his gender questioned because he likes certain things and acts a certain way. He is who is is and just because he reads john green doesn’t mean he isn’t a man. BUT, if you were born in a female body, then have to tell everyone you feel like a boy, that feminine shit doesn’t fly. When you tell you friends and family you’re not a girl, they have expectations of you that they would never put on you if you had been born with a penis.
"But how come you watch this show if you’re a boy?"
"Why didn’t you act like a boy when you were 3?"
"But you don’t seem like a boy.."
"You are to kind, loving, gentile…like a woman."
When you come out as transgender, people try to fit you into the stereotypical gender boxes. They try to see the man in you. I’m not saying I don’t understand why people do that, but I am saying it’s completely unfair. I am not overbearingly masculine. And, while people are understanding and no one is saying they don’t believe me, they do ask me questions about why I don’t act like a guy. It’s bullshit and I hate it.
I will say this once. My transition and my identity is not about feeling masculine. I didn’t think to myself, “I like blue and trucks and video games, I want a penis now.” It isn’t like that for me. Its about my body, not my mind. I feel that my mind doesn’t have a gender. I am ME, not some gender or label. For me, my identify is about my physical self. I identify as male because I would like my body and myself if it were a ‘male’ body and if that’s how people saw me. End of story. Stop trying to find the manly man in me. I am trans* enough.
My blog will be on hiatus for god knows how long. Sorry. Got problems with the parentals right now, and it’s been hard to find opportunities to sneak on the computer (other than the wee hours of the night). I’ll leave my ask open, but I doubt I’ll be able to check it often. You know I’ll miss you.
Went to work, was misgendered by every other customer I served (of course all the ones who didn’t misgender me didn’t refer to me as anything so that doesn’t really count does it), came home and literally cried for 45 minutes. I hate how I get caught off guard by the pronouns. Everything’s fine, I’m taking an order and remembering to ask if the customer wants barbecue sauce with the chicken nuggets, and BAM, out of nowhere, “Thank you, ma’am.” REALLY? I’d prefer to deal with the angry customers who yell about the cheese that shouldn’t be on their cheeseburgers than the nice ones who tell me to have a good day, young lady. I feel awful, getting all worked up over being called “she” and “ma’am” when there are bigger fish to fry in this world—or you could say fries to fry, because I work at McDonald’s—but it hurts. It hurts not to be recognized as the gender I am, it hurts to come home after a bad day and hear my dad tell me to stop using “disguises” because I’m not “really” transgender, it hurts to feel alone. It sucks that my family’s not supportive. Because I will never be able to control what the customers call me or how they see me. They’re strangers passing through my life. But my family, I deserve the ability to trust them to support me. And yet.